Uganda-Part 3, Gulu

Our first stop when we arrived in Gulu, was a trip to Favor of God's Primary School. Our visit was just a few hours, but the time we spent there would bring me so much joy. Our van pulled into the school and the children were at recess at the time. Our doors hadn't even opened yet when all of a sudden a group of children had surrounded our car!

These children were so sweet. So happy. I was overwhelmed by the vast differences between our American schools and what I was seeing in front of me. Their classrooms were not air conditioned, filled with books, computers or colorful decorations. They were simply rooms with chalkboards. The school couldn't afford textbooks yet, so these kids were having to handwrite the text book material in their notebooks. Some of the children had shoes, while others did not. Then there were other children that I made eye contact with who were undoubtedly sick or struggling with some kind of illness. That broke my heart since there I was struggling through this flu, but had a purse full of medication to treat my symptoms.

I think these pictures explain themselves:

Outside a building of with classrooms

Children demonstrating an assignment

A small village right next door to the school

Uganda-Part 2, The Road to Gulu

After adjusting to jet lag and finishing up the business we had to take care of in Kampala, we set out for our day trip to Gulu. It would be a 6 hour drive by van where I would get to see and experience what Ugandan villages and bush looked liked apart from the city life of Kampala.

I was still struggling with what I thought was just the flu I had contracted from traveling, but my dear friend Pastor Martin kindly corrected me by saying, "we don't have the flu in Africa. You have something evil attacking your body."

There it was. The truth spoken. Satan had tried to stop me from embarking on this trip by attacking me with nightmares, and when that didn't work, his last option was to attack me physically.

The road to Gulu was an emotional journey for me. As I tried to pass the time on the long

drive listening to God's voice and soaking in the beauty of this land around me, I began to cry. The reality of God bringing me to Africa was still as fresh as the first day that I arrived, and the excitement of beginning to understand my purpose there was overwhelming. Africa was quickly becoming a part of me even though I didn't know why. I felt God confirm to me that th

is was a country where my purpose as a builder of his kingdom would ultimately be revealed and completed.

My new friend Stacey and I at the Nile River

Uganda-Part 1

On the morning of Friday, February 4, I hugged my husband and 3 year old son and set off for my first trip to Africa. I didn't have much time to prepare. Two weeks at most? I think the last minute nature of the trip was God's way of protecting me from over processing about what being in Africa would be like. After traveling from LA to Chicago, to Turkey, my co-worker and I finally landed in Entebbe, Uganda on Sunday morning, February 6. Culture shock had found a new victim to infect.

The reality that I was half-way around the world and not within arms reach of my husband, my protector, began to settle in. I wasn't immune to that feeling of desperation. I had experienced it before in the middle east. But that same sinking feeling began to settle in and so began my conversations with God.

God calmed my anxieties immediately and filled my spirit with excitement, anticipation, and a yearning to see his spirit move in the country he had brought me to. Since I was a little girl, I had felt this connection in my heart with Africa. I can't tell you why. But I know that I was right where God had wanted me. I was here to

represent his name, his kingdom, and experience his heart for the people of Uganda.

After spending our first two days in Kampala, I began to feel ill. I had flu-like symptoms, but something was wrong. I began to wonder if the illness that had come over me was not just physical, but an aggressive spiritual attack to weaken my body.

By our 3rd day in Kampala the illness had peaked. It was not a coincidence that I was so violently ill on what was the most important day of our business trip. A battle was raging in the spiritual realms and I was caught somewhere in between in at all.

Walking through the streets of Kampala, God showed me through his eyes what he wanted me to see. I thought I knew what poverty looked like. I had never come face to face with it before, and here I was in a country that seemed to be over taken by it.

I kept my sunglasses on but could not fight back the tears that came. Then a child about 4 years old who was holding the hand of a small toddler, pulled on my skirt crying. It was an experience that lasted seconds, but left my heart broken.

I am a Christian. How do I just walk away from them? Isn't that the definition of a hypocrite?

There was more hurting people just around the corner. A man missing both of his legs sat on the side of the rode crying for someone to stop and help him. And still...we walked by, because that's what you were supposed to do. That was Africa and this was everywhere.

I was confused. My faith was challenged. I began to feel guilty for the life I had been blessed with in America. I began to talk to God and ask him a lot of questions. He answered some of them and some he left for me to answer. I kept hearing him ask me "what ARE YOU going to do about what you are seeing?"

Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day was different than any other Micah and I have ever spent together. Not only was it my first full day home from Africa, we had to be in Beverly Hills by 9am for my first appointment with Dr. Ordon!

Functioning off of a few hours of sleep, we got up early and raced to L.A. This was a lot to take in, especially after just returning home a few hours before. I was going to Beverly Hills! I was going for what would be the first filming and documenting of my tummy tuck surgery that the T.V. show "The Doctors" offered to me for free. I was beyond excited!

The whole morning was so much fun and a little nerve wracking. The producer and film crew taped Micah and I arriving at Dr. Ordon's office and the entire first appointment for the procedure that would soon radically change my body. I also met Dr. Ritu Chopra and P.A. Rob Lucas who would also be there during surgery. I still felt like I was in a state of shock ever since the day of the show when they offered this blessing to me.

I felt so secure knowing that some of the world's best surgeon's were going to be operating on me. I kept thanking God for such an amazing gift and couldn't believe that this was all really happening.

My Episode of "The Doctors" TV Show

The episode of The Doctors show that I was on aired on February 7, 2010. I was in Uganda that day, so my hubby got to watch it without me. Click here for the link to the show!

The Good Wife

I have been wanting to write about this for a long time, but have hesitated because I thought I would find a good answer. This is just my heart and brain working out loud.

I wonder if any other Christian wives struggle with understanding what it means to be a "good wife." I see many examples of Christian women seamlessly fitting into the ideal standard of what our Christan culture deems appropriate as the ideal wife. They seem happy. They have great kids, nice homes, they serve others. But I can't help but feel like something is missing from their lives.

I believe that being a mother and a wife is a gift, a blessing, from God to be treasured. I love my husband. I would give my life for my children. But I also know that God has purposed me as a daughter in his kingdom to do something great for his glory, beyond being a good wife or mother. I believe that he has purposed ALL of his daughters for a specific role in a plan that he has delicately orchestrated.

I worry sometimes if we as wives are missing out on what our great purpose is. Has our "Christian society" crafted the role of a good wife in such a way that it is keeping us from experiencing God in a radical way? Has our role as wives and mothers kept us so preoccupied, that we are forgetting that we were created to share the gospel of Jesus Christ with the world?

I have been thinking these thoughts because I often hear other women tell me "that's so great that you get to do ministry work that's impacting Africa with the gospel." or "you have such a big job, I don't know how you do it with three kids and a husband." While I am sure those comments are meant as compliments, they make me sad.

I am nobody special. I am a mom just like you. I am a wife just like you. God is how I am able to do this job. He is the reason any of this works or makes sense.

I wonder how many women out there are truly missing out. I am not saying that we are all called to Africa. But I am saying that we are all commanded by Jesus to bring the gospel to the world. We don't get a "pass" on this command because we are busy being good wives or mothers.

I believe that as women we have a kind of spiritual strength that the world needs to see. I want so badly to see normal, everyday wives and mothers come together and do something thunderous for God's kingdom.

I am not sure what we are waiting for. Maybe we are all too busy being the good wife.

He Blessed Me

January 3 was an ordinary day at home as a mom. While Owen was climbing all over my back, I was surfing around on the internet, while watching Dr. Phil. I ended up on the website for the show "The Doctors" and starting reading different articles about health issues.

I saw a call for stories asking about struggles women were facing with their body after having children. I decided on a whim to write a short story about myself. I explained that I felt like I was doing everything I could to diet and stay in shape, but that I couldn't figure out what to do about my stomach and the extra skin that has come with stretching from 3 very large babies! With all that though, I stressed the point that for me this wasn't a vanity issue. My goal wasn't to wear a bikini, my goal was to wear pants that were my size.

TWO hours later I get an email from a producer asking for more information. By the next day, I was on the phone with the producer asking me to be a guest on their show the following Thursday, the 13th! She said the segment was on "Medical Firsts" and that she wanted me to be a guest asking Dr. Ordon questions about considering my first cosmetic surgery, and if that was an option for me to fix my stomach.

Of course I said yes.

Fast forward to Thursday, January 13. I hadn't even told my family yet what was happening. I didn't even think to really because I was just going to an audience member. I was supposed to be at the Paramount lot by 9am. We almost didn't make it because I gave Micah the wrong address. We were stressed.

I prayed silently in the car. We arrived at the set at 8:56 am.

Did God have something in store for me? I had no idea. I wasn't banking on it. But he got us there. Somehow, he got us there.

Micah, my friend Christina and I are taken to The Doctor's studio, and escorted to my dressing room. WHAT?! My dressing room?! Seriously this was starting to become really exciting. It even had my name on the door! The 3 of us were like kids on Christmas Day. What was going on?

I go to hair and make-up. That was fun. Then the producer comes in and gives me a general idea of what to say when I am asking Dr. Ordon my question. Sounds easy. I ask the question, he answers, I sit down. I got this.

A stage director comes and takes us down to our seats in the audience. We are still giddy. We are still like kids on Christmas Day waiting in anticipation.

The Doctors come out on stage. I see Dr. Ordon and I get NERVOUS! Oh my gosh...what the heck was I supposed to say again!

Then came my cue. Dr. Travis Stork (YES THE DR. STORK!) says "we have some questions from the audience now." I stand up. I am going to puke. "Oh my gosh...what the heck was I supposed to say again..." is running through my mind...

I say something like "Hi, my name is Nesha and I have a question for Dr. Ordon. I have been blessed with 3 great kids, all of who were 9 lbs and over and birth. And I feel like I have done everything I can through diet and excercise to get back in shape, but I don't know what to do with all of this excess skin and fat in my stomach."

I think that is what I said. I can't remember. It was all a fog.

Dr. Ordon starts to answer me. He says "first of all you look great for having three kids, let's applaud you for that." I am BLUSHING. I don't take words of affirmation well at all. The audience claps. I just want to sit down and hide.

I can't remember what he says. He is talking directly to me and I have no idea what he is saying. Then I hear him say "since you're here, why don't you come on up and we'll take a look at you."

WHAT!

NO ONE has seen my stomach. I hide her very well. Not even my husband has really seen what it looks like because I hold it in all the time.

There I went. Up on stage. Dr. Masterson (the only female doctor) gets up and helps hold up my shirt. Dr. Ordon starts rolling down the top of my skirt to see my belly. I AM GOING TO DIE is all I can think.

He starts marking on my belly with a sharpie. I can barely hear what he is saying. I am so nervous. I do remember him saying, "this is not fat." That puts me at ease. I knew it! I have been trying so hard to get my stomach in shape. Maybe I am not crazy.

Then he looks up at me and says "do people often think you're pregnant?" My eyes swell with tears. All the time. All the time and I am so tired of how humiliating that feels. And its almost always women. Women can be so mean. But it's not their fault. I really do look pregnant.

I answer with a simple "yes, all the time." I barely get the words out because I am on the verge of tears.

He gets up and says, "you know I do a lot of these kinds of procedures." I say something stupid like "I know. And my husband and I have talked about doing this for me..." I can't remember what else I said, because what happened next was God blessing one of his insignificant, unworthy daughters....

Dr. Ordon said "well The Doctors show would like to offer to do this surgery for you." I started to CRY. I was so shocked. I couldn't even answer him. He said "would you like me to do this for you?" I barely got the word out but quietly said "yes." He hugged me and I cried more. I said "thank you so much, this is truly a blessing for me!" He simply said "you deserve it."

I am still stunned. Barely a week later and I am still trying to process through what happened that day. I immediately started to worry about people judging me. Unfortunately, I worry most about other Christians judging me. I have quickly found that people treat you differently when you are in ministry.

Micah and Christina had to remind me that this was a blessing. This was a gift not just from The Doctor's, but from my Father in Heaven. This was something I was probably never going to pay for myself. I have too many things that I want to accomplish for God's kingdom, that I just couldn't see how I would ever make this happen financially.

But God did. He blessed me. He blessed me. He BLESSED me. For that, I am SO thankful. There will be those that judge me. But the truth is, they were probably never my friend to begin with. I can't let Satan try to harass me to diminish the fact that my heavenly Daddy, BLESSED me.

Christmas Break 2010

Christmas break 2010 was just that. A BREAK. A time to slow down, rest, reflect, and hibernate as a family. We needed that. We needed quiet. We needed days with no agenda or chaos. We needed time to reconnect.

We had a very quiet Christmas. Micah and I set a modest budget for gifts for the kids, and stuck to it. Christmas was different this year for them. We talked to them a lot about how as a family we wo

uld not be celebrating Christmas with all

the materialism that it has involved in the past. We

talked to them a lot about Favor of God, and the orphans at the House of Hope, and tried our best to give them an understanding of how we needed to be fully accountable to God for all of financial blessings he has given to us.

We also had some days of fun and being silly. We went to Disneyland, to the snow, took part in being on a boat for the Huntington Beach parade, walked around the Mission Inn downtown to see the lights, and visited Grandpa Jim up in Ventura.

So as I said it was a time of quiet. A time of rest to prepare for the fieldwork that God was going to quickly call to action come January 1st!

2010 reflections in 79 words

a few words, emotions, & themes can sum up 2010 for me...

reckless faith, radical trust, giving out of abundance not out of leftovers, obedience till it hurt, isolation, worn knees from prayer, abandonment, the Holy Spirit's embrace, revelations, visions, dreams, prophetic words, depression, at war with the enemy, a dedicated husband, promises kept, blessings revealed, loss, hope, friends, prayer warriors, amazing kids, grief, perseverance, ...Uganda.

looking forward to 2011. the harvest is here and this worker is ready.

December 29

December 29 will never again be just another day.

It is the day that I woke up to the phone call of "Come to UCLA right away. The ICU doctors want to see you."

It is the day that I heard the words "there is nothing more we can do."

It is the day that I told my children that I was leaving to cheer their Papa onto heaven.

It is the day that my husband was put in the awkward position of deciding what time to remove my Dad from life support.

It is the day that I saw my dad's pulse increase each time I whispered in his ear that he was a great Papa & Dad, and felt the squeeze of his hand.

It is the day that my hope was extinguished of seeing my Dad live his life here on earth as a new Christian.

It is the day that I felt the Holy Spirit's, power, love and mercy, in a small cramped ICU room, hover over our family as my sisters and I read scripture out loud to him.

It is the day that I laid my head on my Dad's shoulder, and told him how awesome heaven was going to be.

It is the day that I asked my Dad to tell Jesus that I loved him and to give him a hug for me.

It is the day I felt so proud for how hard my Dad fought to stay alive.

It is the day I experienced the most conflicting feelings of joy for my Dad's salvation, and anger towards God for taking my my Dad from me.

It is the day that I started having severe pre-labor contractions in my 7 month of pregnancy.

It is the day that my Dad left this earth.

But not forever.

And for that hope, I praise God.