Call it "reverse culture shock" (I don't even know if that's a real term). All I know is I am really starting to struggle with living my normal, everyday life here in the states, while I am being exposed to what's happening in the world through working for Favor.
Don't get me wrong. I am thankful for the blessings I have to be an American. To live here freely. To proclaim that I am a Christian and have access to a bible. To know that I won't be hunted down for being a Christian.
I am starting to see that the things I complain about, are really vain and self-centered. For instance, I constantly complain about my weight and physical appearance. I am never happy with how I look. But God has been showing me that instead of complaining about my weight, maybe I should be thankful for the abundance of food that I have. If I stopped and took the time to realize that when I complain about my weight, that another child will go to bed hungry in world, maybe I wouldn't have a weight problem.
I am also struggling in seeing the complacency in people around me. Seeing the materialism of this country swarm around me, while people become mindlessly consumed by it. To see people spend thousands of dollars on themselves, building their kingdoms, without giving to anything eternal. To see so many lost people mindlessly existing day-to-day, not knowing that there is a God who created and loves them...hurts my heart.
I feel overwhelmed...I don't know what to do.
Sounds extremely judgmental doesn't it? I know it is. I don't know what to do with it. It's there. It sits in my heart and stews. Maybe it's the enemy's way of distracting me from my focus? Maybe I need to pray that people's hearts will be changed.
Maybe I need to stop sounding so self-righteous.
1 comment:
ah, friend. i too have the same problem!
a wise friend told me to stop "feeling guilty" for being an American, but to put our blessing to use! we can do so much and our lives can inspire others!
righteous anger is totally justifiable! but remember to focus it at the enemy, not those around you. do you remember the analogy matt used once about the rock and the person who throws it? you don't get angry at the rock, rather the person who throws it! our neighbors, friends and even ourselves are often tools of the evil one.
i have been wanting to move out of country, but my "leader" hasn't heard that call. what we have agreed on is retiring into "kingdom work". that has REALLY helped me in my frustration towards our culture! so for now i focus on discipleing my kids, doing whatever work i can here and now, and eagerly waiting for that time!
love you, hang in there! i am praying for you!!!!
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